As part of my procrastination technique in preparing for Thursday morning's appellate argument, I've decided that I'm going to track my progress in this blog entry.
Monday , 12:44 pm: Have arranged to have two attorneys (my 2 bosses) meet with me tomorrow afternoon to watch me rehearse my oral argument (which I have not yet prepared) and give me feedback.
Monday, 12:55 pm: Have begun my outline of my oral argument by setting up a new WORD document listing each of the 6 issues on appeal.
Yep, that's how far I've gotten. (Now, I've already written a brief in this case, mind you - - so I've already figured out what my arguments actually are, in writing, for the brief. Thing is, now I just have to figure out the best way to argue them out loud, how to divide up my limited amount of time between the 6 issues, and try to anticipate questions that are likely to be hurled at me that I haven't adequately addressed in my written brief regarding each of these issues. That's where my handy-dandy outline comes in.)
Monday, 12:58 pm: Take a coffee break.
Monday, 1:07 pm: Spent the last several minutes admiring my new ring (present I bought for myself this weekend for no particular reason) and filing my nails. Also trying to figure out where the glitter on the palms of my hands came from. Hmm.
Monday, 1:25 pm: Finally figured out who that was leaving me the strange message last Thursday morning. It was the dad of another attorney in my office. She has an appellate brief due next week that she's working on. So, mystery solved. (And yeah, ok, that was totally just an excuse to procrastinate more, tracking down who that message was for...)
Monday, 1:51 pm: Just got off the phone with co-counsel. We came up with a game plan for dividing up the issues and our time (I'm a co-defendant, have to split my argument time w/ the co-defendant). Feel better now that I have a game plan. Just hope it doesn't go to hell once I start arguing, by the justices interrupting and asking all sorts of questions that throw me for a loop and get me off track.
Monday, 2:27 pm: Shit, I just realized, I need 5 more CLE hours for this year ... have to fit them in by the end of this month ... fuck.
Monday, 2:37 pm: I seem to be making an inordinate number of trips to the bathroom to pee today. I guess it's all the coffee and diet coke I've been drinking.
Monday, 2:42 pm: My breasts look really nice in this top I'm wearing today. Too bad former law clerk doesn't work here anymore. He'd totally be giving me a cleavage compliment today if he did.
Monday, 4:00 pm: I think I've got one of the issues down. I've also made a list of things I need to do when I get home tonight. Including stopping on the way home to buy kitty litter.
Tuesday, 2:15 am: After finally buckling down this afternoon and getting a little bit of real work done at the office, then knocking off for the evening and sending off some communications to potential eharmony matches at home, and watching a couple reruns of Will and Grace on tv, I thought I'd be getting some good sleep so I could wake up fresh in the morning to start again ... but no, I guess I had too much coffee today, and I guess I'm too keyed up about this argument, especially since, let's face it, I still didn't have anything really written out to say. But here's where I remember that, whether it's a blessing or a curse, I sometimes am able to actually do my best, clearest work at odd hours late late late at night ... after planning and outlining earlier today, I finally started actually typing out an argument that I can practice and rehearse, and man but it's starting to take shape and make sense. One more cup of coffee and I might be able to finish my first draft in the next hour or two ... of course, I'll be dead on my feet by the time I have to rehearse it for my bosses tomorrow afternoon, but that's my stupid fault for being a procrastinator during the day when most people are actually working, and then doing my best work after midnight, after things have had a chance to muddle around in my head for a while, and after the adrenaline finally pushes me to get it all down on paper, when most normal people are sleeping. I repeat this same damn cycle whenever I have something really really huge due; when the fuck will I learn.
Tuesday, 6:47 am: Just got back from my near-daily run to the College Mart. (Note to self: I go there way too much. Convenient for a big gulp of coffee in the morning and the odd groceries when I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store for just one particular thing; probably not a good sign that every employee there knows me and can practically start ringing up my purchases as soon as I walk in the door.) Got a big gulp of coffee, a cold Slim Fast shake for breakfast, a bottle of water, and a pack of Marlboro Lights (another note to self: Must. Stop. Smoking. I say that every damn time I buy a new pack. Dammit.) Didn't sleep at all last night. Did get some work done on the argument; still couldn't sleep after though. Am now cleaning out all my old matches that didn't catch my interest and have been filling up my inbox from eharmony. Don't want to see more than 100 damn people on there at any particular time if I can help it ... gets to feeling too burdensome to sort through and see if there are any I think I might actually like when there's that many. God I'll do anything to keep from working sometimes. Going to be feeling goofy by the end of the day today, I can tell already. Probably doesn't bode well for my rehearsal before the bosses later this afternoon.
Tuesday, 6:57 am: Fuck me hard, just realized I forgot to buy kitty litter on the way home from work last night, and I TOTALLY could've picked some up just now at the College Mart but didn't think about it while I was there. Damn, and that litter box isn't looking to attractive right now. Argh.
Tuesday, 7:01 am: Time to turn on the Today Show. Man, John McCain looks pretty creepy sometimes when he tries to smile for the camera.
Tuesday, 7:45 am: I just realized it's Fat Tuesday today! Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps rouler! Allons jouer la music, allons dancer! Cher bébé ... mon coeur appartient à Nouvelle-Orléans ....
Tuesday, 9:49 am: My new office furniture has just been delivered - woohoo!!! Not only do I NOT work in a closet anymore, I now have the biggest (or maybe second-biggest, after the big boss man's) attorney office here, after they knocked down a wall and gave me more room ... and now my newly enlarged office has not just my desk and desk chair and old metal filing cabinet and old wooden bookshelf, but also a nice new round conference table with 4 matching chairs around it, and a nice new credenza with lateral filing drawers, all with a matching pretty cherry finish that matches my desk ... I can sit here at my desk and work on my computer for a bit, then get up and go sit at one of the chairs at my new conference table and work over there for a bit, then move back to the desk when I get bored with that, and so on and so on ... I can spread shit out ... I'm no longer all cramped with no room to move, I can stretch out and walk around and sit in different chairs and work at different tables ... happy happy joy joy ....
Tuesday, 11:29 am: I just realized I've been whistling the Jack Johnson tune "If I Had Eyes" while I'm working in my office. I tend to do that, whistle a song over and over again, whenever I am working really hard on some huge project that I'm stressed out about ... it's like a mechanism for keeping the anxiety at bay I think. Anyway, I just realized I was doing it, whistling "Sometimes time doesn't heal, no not at all. ... In or out of love ...." basically that part, over and over again ... and it's probably been getting on the nerves of the lawyer across the hall ... I just got a little self-conscious, wondering how long now I've been whistling it, and whether he's sitting across the hall with these terrible acoustics and thin walls wishing I'd shut up. [If former law clerk still worked here, btw, he would've been knocking on the wall and shooting me sarcastic emails telling me to QUIT IT way before I realized it for myself, btw ... dammit, he was useful in that way. And fun to annoy too b/c frankly whenever he complained I just whistled louder.] [DID YOU SEE THAT, BABY? ANOTHER SHOUT OUT TO YOU!!! God it's just no fucking fun around here anymore without you to here to pick on and annoy, and to pick on and annoy me right back.]
Tuesday, 12:27 pm: Lunchtime. Subway. Yum.
Tuesday, 12:39 pm: I think I ate that roast beef sub too fast. Feel like I might have to go throw up now. Yuck.
Tuesday, 1:17 pm: Ok, my boss ambled into my office a little bit ago, just coming out of a couple all-morning meetings, took a seat at my new conference table, dropped her notebook onto it, and dished about some interesting developments that occurred this morning in her various meetings. (I swear, there's just crazy stuff happening every day it seems. But that's not the point.) Point is, after about 10 minutes or so of chatting, she stretched her legs, sighed, gathered up her notebook, stood to go, ... and then suddenly did a double-take and said real loud "hey, you got new furniture!!!!" Uh, yeah ... that would be the very table and chairs you've been relaxing at for the past 10 minutes, occasionally banging a fist on or gently slapping to emphasize different points of your various stories from the morning; just now noticing? Hehehe. Ah, ha. Ok, comedic break over, back to work ... ah shit, I'm supposed to rehearse my argument to that boss and the big boss man too in about 2 hours, and not only have I not rehearsed it to myself yet, I'm not even finished with the damn first draft yet. Fuckamuckashucka.
Tuesday, 2:02 pm: Dangit, I have an email notification on my private email address telling me that I've received a new email on eharmony from one of my current interesting matches, someone I was emailing with last night ... but I can't freaking log on to eharmony from work, damn those infernal internet-site-blocking-devices on our work computers, so I won't be able to read the email until I get home tonight. Man, I hate knowing something's there like that, waiting to be read, and not being able to read it ... I like instant gratification, I want to read it now! Argh.
Tuesday, 3:49 pm: Any minute now my two bosses will be ready to listen to me practice my oral argument - for the first time ever out loud. Meaning, this rehearsal is going to suck. Hopefully they won't dwell on the fact that I'm not all that prepared if I bombard them with questions seeking advice and constructive criticism and strategy and "how would you do it" talk. Sigh.
Tuesday, 5:34 pm: Whew, first big rehearsal/practice/critique session down, and I have to admit even to myself, it wasn't half bad. And I got very helpful critiques and advice actually, to go back and tweak things, ... I'm beginning to feel some of the panic and anxiety over being prepared enough for this start to ease up; my shoulders feel a little lighter, I think my heartbeat has even slowed down a hair from what it's been the past two days. Thank God for more experienced coworkers who will take time to listen to you and, not just that, but spend time helping you make it better, and making you continue to keep talking out all the major points and boiling them down to more concise points even when you think you've made them concise enough and who make you go back and say stuff on your own again and again without wearing you down or anything but just enough so that each time you say it again it comes out sounding more intelligent and clearer and surer. Seriously, I'm feeling better now; I may complain about the big boss man from time to time, but when it comes to this kind of thing, making the big arguments and presentations before the big courts, I have to admit (and be grateful) that he does know what he's doing, and how to give good pointers and help you make your work better. Okay, now that all that's said ... holy hell, but it must be Miller Time somewhere; Mama needs a cocktail ....
Tuesday, 8:39 pm: Had that cocktail. Now am About. To. Crash. And I mean hard. Several nice eharmony emails from a few different guys waiting on me tonight when I got home, that's something to smile about. Answered a few ... way too tired to do anything else tonight though. About to Sack. Out. (Can't. Seem. to Stop. Writing. Like. This. So tired.)
Wednesday, 12:09 pm: Tweaking, tweaking, tweaking. I go through my argument, tweaking it as I review and study and analyze it. Once finished, I go through my argument again, tweaking it again as I review and study and analyze it more. This is the process of the morning, and it continues.
Thursday, 3:13 am: Jesus, I just woke up from some of the worst nightmare dreams I have ever had in my life. I am only writing this right now because they were so bad, and so vivid, that the second I came a little bit awake enough to realize I was only dreaming, I felt the strongest need ever to pull myself fully awake just so I wouldn't immediately drift back into them ... I needed to shake off that deep sleep enough to become fully awake for a bit only in order to convince my subconscious mind that those were, in fact, only dreams, only nightmares, not real, just so that I don't get sucked back into them again. God, damn, it ... I've always been a vivid dreamer, and I have had a ton of bad dreams before, but for so many reasons that I will not get into right now, those dreams I just woke up from tonight were the absolute worst, most nightmarish, and most scarily real-seeming, I've ever had.
Fuck, this does not bode well for the way this most important morning of argument is going to shape up for me ... perhaps my most important moment/event so far in my career as a lawyer is merely 6 hours and 10 minutes away, and because of a stupid fucking nightmire, I feel shaken to my very core right now ... and am still trying to finish fully waking my body and mind in order to shake its nasty lingering effects as I write this ... God. Damn. It. To. Hell. but I am just a tad freaked out right now ....
Thursday, 3:52 am: Fuck, I just got my period. That means cramps and stuff ... I tell you what, sometimes I do believe in signs and what have you, and between that stupid nightmare and then realizing this just now, I am now REALLY starting to have bad foreboding feelings about how things are going to go later on this morning ... dammit.
Thursday, 3:58 am: well I guess I'm just going to stay up at this point, not risk trying to go back to bed for a little bit more sleep and maybe end up oversleeping the 2 damn alarms I set out of paranoia of doing just that, the way my luck is going just now. Fuck, I'm feeling like my game is thrown before it even starts this morning.... Scheisse.
Thursday, 6:25 am: Just had a super intense, really ultra-sensitive orgasm. Did not intend to spend quite that much time with the rabbit, started 30 minutes ago, but sometimes that's just the way it goes, especially when you're reading Literotica stories as you're doing it. Helped with the cramps too, nicely enough ... and feeling much more relaxed now than I was a couple hours ago after that nightmare and then the stress and initial panic of starting to think this day was off to a terrible start, this most important and stressful day of work. So yeah, good call, masturbation in the early morning. Off to College Mart now for a 20-oz cup of coffee and a can of tuna for the kitties (it's a big day, they deserve a treat too). Then back to practice out loud for about an hour before I hit the shower and start getting dressed for court (bought a new suit for the occasion last night, professional Jones of New York black skirt suit that hits just below the knees, with a cinched-in waist and one-button closure in front with deep v and kinda short length jacket that tops a pencil-thin skirt that hugs the curves of my hips, so I'll look like a sexy professional to boot, which should give me some much-needed confidence this morning ... looks good with my skinny high heels too ... starting to get a little pumped up and excited now that it's so close, can you tell?)
Thursday, 11:47 am: OVER!!! More in my next post ....
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3 comments:
That is not news to me.
Still looking for the right person to do it. Got any recommendations?
What happened with that guy?
The eharmony lunch guy? Nothing. After that lunch, we talked on the phone that weekend a little - - not a lot, b/c he had his kids that weekend, and was careful/wary of saying anything/talking to anyone on teh phone in their presence/hearing distance which they might pick up on enough to start to realize that daddy was talking to another woman .... they're still sensitive about the divorce, and they're little .... so anyway, the last time we said goodbye on the phone, he ended by asking me if I'd write him an email to tell him more about what I thought about lunch before I went to bed, and said he'd read it the next morning when he got to work (he'd just moved the week before that into a new house, and internet access wasn't hooked up yet at the new house). so I did, write him an email that is, told him what I thought ... and they were nice thoughts, pleasant thoughts, nothing scary or weird or negative, just reflections on the nice impression I'd had of him and how much I'd enjoyed it, and then I just added a little more chit-chat not to do with the lunch but just general conversation. But he didn't write back the next day ... I sent him a quick email saying hi that day, hope you're having a good day basically, that was it. Still nothing ... so two days later I emailed again, because well sometimes I just get too perplexed about stuff especially when I'm waiting on a reaction that I think might be coming from someone else but don't get one, and so I want to kind of get a little closure and offer one more chance for them to react/respond just in case they do want to but have just been too busy to do so, so anyway later that week I sent him yet another email, saying hi and hoping things were going well, and then saying, essentially, in what I hope was an articulate way (as opposed to this comment I'm writing right now), that I had really enjoyed all our talking, as well as our lunch, that I was feeling pretty impressed with the whole eharmony experience and decision to sign up based on the fact that I'd had such good conversations and a nice date with a normal, interesting guy, which was giving me a little bit of faith that it this service was worth signing up for, and giving me encouragement as far as getting back out there in the dating world again and meeting new people after having been in a dating rut/dry spell for so long now .... and that I just wanted to thank him for that, and say that while I by no means was discounting continuing getting to know him by writing this email and would be happy if we keep corresponding and getting to know each other, etc., that I did want to just go ahead and take an opportunity to let him know all that, and to thank him for it, and to wish him luck with dating too and hoping things keep going well for him in that way too, just in case I didn't get a chance to talk to him again soon, just so he'd know all that. So, basically, yeah, maybe weird that I wrote that, I don't know what the social rules are anymore it seems ... but I had the feeling by that point that it was too odd that he hadn't responded somehow again in so many days following lunch, and that must mean he probably didn't want to talk or see me anymore, at least anytime in the really near future, but that maybe he just didn't want to have to tell me that ... so if that was the case, I guess I was a bit letting him off the hook there by writing what could be considered a goodbye email that was nice and ended on a friendly note, but I wrote it in such a way that if that wasn't the case and he really truly had just been very busy that week, then it definitely didn't try to dissuade him from responding whenever he wanted to with "I had fun too, thanks, I'd like to keep talking if you would, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression by not responding earlier" kind of thing. And I kind of thought he'd respond to it either way ... either with the "thanks, me too" and nothing more kind of email or the "thanks, me too" followed up by more conversation kind of email, and then I'd get the hint as to how he was thinking things were going/what he had in mind ... But, he didn't respond to that last email in any way shape or form ... and I guess it's been about 2 weeks now since I sent it. So, I think that means he's not planning to respond to it ever, or to call again. Which kinda sucks b/c I was excited by the idea of a second date .... but at the same time, it's ok, b/c if I was wrong and he wasn't feeling it too, then I'd rather get that clue and move on to more matches, you know? Somebody might be great as can be, but they're not great for you in particular if they don't see you the same way in return.
btw, I'm glad you left that comment asking about that ... b/c by writing that long comment in response to your question just now, I think I managed to shake off the ill effects of the nightmare I just had and was freaking out about a few minutes ago (see "Thursday, 3:13 am" update to the body of this post). Feeling a bit more normal now, not still as much within the clutches of a bad dream.
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