Holy rabbit fuck, I'm embarrassed...

I've been without internet at home for about 5 or 6 days now. It has sucked.

I finally got an appointment with the cable company to come out and see if they could fix it. The appointment was for "somewhere between 3 pm and 5 pm" today.

I left work early, got home about 2:30. Meant to straighten up the house a little bit before he got here, especially the area where I knew he'd be mostly, my upstairs study, where the computer is. But he knocked on the door at like 2:35. So forget the straightening.

I let him in. Nice young quiet clean-cut guy. Showed him upstairs to the computer. Apologized for the mess. "No problem" he said. He sat down at the computer to go to work figuring it out.

And that's when I saw it.

My rabbit vibrator, standing up on the side of my desk.

"Oh holy fuck," I thought.

What do you do in that situation? As I stared wide-eyed into the room from the doorway, completely mortified, I thought about the options: do I walk over there and pick it up and move it? Or does that just draw too much attention to it? Maybe he hasn't noticed it? Has he noticed it?

He worked silently on the computer modem. After what felt like forever, he said I might need a new modem, but first he wanted to go outside and check the cable box, where the cable comes in. He asked me where it was. I told him. He said I'll go check it, then I'll be right back.

As soon as he walked outside I grabbed my vibrator from off the desk and threw it in my bedroom and shut that door.

He came back about 5 minutes later. He walked upstairs, checked the modem one more time. Said "yep, you need a new modem." He went about unplugging the old one and plugging in the new one. Still quiet otherwise. He called a guy on his walkie-talkie, and said he was ready to switch out the modem. And then we waited.

And then that's when he looked up at me, looked me straight in the face and grinned and said "so, just to mess with you a little bit ... what'd you do with your toy?", and nodded his head towards the place on the desk where the rabbit had been.

Oh. My. God. I could have died of embarrassment right there on the spot. I just busted loose with a big case of the giggles, my face turning bright red, my head shaking side to side ... "no ... oh, no," was all I managed to say between fits of humiliated laughter. "It had lots of buttons. Must have lots of different speeds," he said, smiling. More embarrassed laughter from me, more "oh, no ... no, no, no," refusing to look in his face, blushing hard.

He turned back to the computer, grinning, and checked the lights on the modem. "Should be working now. Come see if you can get on the internet."

He stood up and walked off to the side to give me room. I walked over and sat down in the chair where he'd been and looked at the computer and grabbed the mouse and clicked to log on.

And saw what had been on the computer screen the whole time he'd been sitting there: a pornographic story that I had saved as a word document once, and that I had been reading this morning as I masturbated before work.

Oh, God.

"Yep, it's working," I told him. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," he said, still with that enormous grin.

As I was walking him downstairs and towards the front door, he said one last thing to me: "You know, you wouldn't believe what we see going into people's houses."

"Worse than coming into mine?" I asked him.

"Let's just say, some people let you in, then go right back to what they were doing when you knocked on the door," he said. "They don't even care you're there. But hey, more power to 'em."

More embarrassed laughter from me as I open the door for him to leave.

And with one more final look over his shoulder, looking directly in my eyes, his eyes dancing and teasing with unleashed laughter, he said "you have a good rest of the afternoon, now."

I didn't bother to try to let him know, btw, that he had not actually interrupted me in the middle of masturbating to written porn with my rabbit vibrator when he knocked on the door at 2:35 pm instead of "somewhere between 3 pm and 5 pm," that actually the porn on the computer screen and the rabbit on the desk were just where I had left them this morning when I finished and realized I needed to shake a leg and get in the shower if I was going to be on time for work. I really don't think it would have made a difference what time I'd been doing it though ... when you're busted, you're busted.

- - p.s.

Just before writing this post, I wrote an email to my friend Mike, told him what had just happened. The following exchange took place:

Mike: dude, that's nuts. only you.

Sadielady: i'm telling you. between this and the house-painter who caught me masturbating on my lunch break, i tell you what ... i'm like a lightning rod for getting caught in an embarrassing way and being exposed as a horny single female sex freak.

Mike: you shoulda just seduced him

Sadielady: dude, don't think the thought didn't cross my mind....

God, I need to get laid.