Friday, October 31, 2008

use your legal imagination this halloween -

- and help a girl out.

This week I had jury duty. Magistrate's court, so small cases. And they didn't even have trials every day this week; I showed up Monday morning as required, and after waiting two and a half hours I found out that I had not been picked for Monday's case, but that I would have to show up again Tuesday and Friday mornings for two more jury picks - - but no cases Wednesday or Thursday.

Well Monday and Tuesday I did not get picked, and I was back at work between 11 and 11:30 a.m. both days. And of course since I didn't have to show up for jury duty Wednesday or Thursday, I worked regular days both those days.

But today, Friday, I got a little bad.

Not bad luck; I didn't get picked for jury duty, once again. In fact, it was kind of nice - because I got my check this morning for showing up for jury duty 3 days this week, even though I didn't have to sit on an actual jury. So at 10:30 this morning, I walked out of court, dismissed with thanks from the judge, a check for $44 in hand, free to ... uh ... go back to work?

Well, see, that's where I get bad. As I was driving away from court in my car, I was thinking about the fact that it's Friday, that it's not just any Friday but Halloween Friday, and that I'm not actually in the office right this minute, and that nobody in my office has any idea of what's going on over in this tiny little magistrate's court that I've been required to show up at this week for jury duty. I thought maybe I should take advantage...

At first I just took a very minor advantage. I knew I needed to stop by the grocery store today for a few things, including Halloween candy in case any little creetin kids show up at my door tonight; so I went ahead and shopped for groceries after leaving the court, then came on home and put the groceries away and piddled around for a few minutes. Thinking I'd go on back to the office any minute, work for the rest of the day.

But then I started thinking a little more, and I started wondering: why the hell am I actually considering going back to the office on a Friday, on Halloween, when I've got this totally legitimate jury duty excuse for not being in the office?

So I waited until about 12:40-something, then called my paralegal and explained that I was using my lunch break to call in and let the office know that I'd been picked today, and wouldn't be back in. Bad girl, bad girl! Is that bad?

My paralegal asked a few questions out of curiosity about the kind of case I'd been picked for; I gave her the few details I already knew from being in court this morning when the jury was picked, that it's a traffic case, a criminal charge. And then I embellished just a little bit, based on information that I gleaned from this morning even though it wasn't specifically stated: that the woman cited to be at fault in the accident disputes it, and that the people who were in the other car are in court to testify about how she is at fault. Then my paralegal remarked on how odd it was that I actually got picked, since I'm a lawyer and it seems like people never want to pick a lawyer to sit on their jury; and I told her how there were a surprising number of lawyers in the jury pool this week in magistrate's court, considering what a small court it is and what a small jury pool (less than 50 people). I told her how two other lawyers got cut before I was seated, and I figured that the parties just figured what the heck by the time it came to lawyer number 3; which was partially true, since they did cut two lawyers from the jury before they seated the jury, but also partially false, since I wasn't even close enough to being potentially seated to have even been subject to a cut. Anyway; then my paralegal just told me a few things that are going on in the office today, but it's not much really; and basically I don't need to be there today for anything in particular.

So basically I'm playing hooky today, with a somewhat justifiable real excuse of having jury duty, but with the added element of lying about having to finish out the rest of the day to sit on an actual jury of an actual case. Meanwhile I'm just going to enjoy my Friday at home, and get into the Halloween spirit a little bit.

But I know, of course, that come Monday I'm going to be asked, by my boss most importantly, about this case I'm supposedly serving on jury duty for today. So I'm thinking that over the weekend I'll need to work up a few extra good, somewhat specific points of interest to be able to tell her about my jury-serving day, and about the outcome of the case, just to make it all sound good.

So anyway: does anyone have any suggestions on what I can say to help booster the whole I-served-on-a-jury-that's-why-I-didn't-show-up-for-work-Friday thing? Anyone served on a jury in a traffic case, specifically, since that's the lie I'm starting with and have to build on? Anyone have any good jury-serving anecdotes I can plagiarize and incorporate into my story come Monday? Or just any imaginative details you think might satisfy my boss, so I don't come across as a liar if asked aobut my case next week?

p.s. Does it make me a true dork that I'm actually spending this much effort thinking and worrying about covering my tracks like this, pretending I got picked for the jury when I really didn't just so I don't have to go back into work on a Friday? Yeah, I thought so. Oh well; I think I'm going to go out on my front porch now with an alcoholic drink and carve a pumpkin into a jack-o'-lantern for my trick-or-treaters tonight. Wish me luck in not cutting off a finger while I'm at it!

Monday, October 13, 2008


Ok, I know I'm on the slow track here, just now talking about how I'm just now getting a little bit into Facebook. I opened an account on Facebook a couple years ago I guess, but I didn't really do anything much with it until recently. Recently, I have re-connected with six old friends from high school on it. And while I don't expect to suddenly be best friends again with old high school friends I'd already grown apart from after all these years, nevertheless, it is kind of cool - - I mean, I knew these particular six people really well, and hadn't thought of some of them in a decade; so it's kind of interesting to suddenly get these friend requests, and do the little catch-up email, and find out where they all are and what they're all doing. And I guess in a way it does make me a little bit nostalgic; not nostalgic for high school, oh God no, but nostalgic for friendships that really seemed special back when they existed, and for friends who are genuinely interesting people.

Or maybe I'm just really really really bored with life in this armpit of a city, and missing the good friends I had here at one time who all seem to have moved away. Yeah, that might be it. But Facebook's still kinda cool, though.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sounds like a good set up for a porn movie to me.

A reporter for the New York Times writes this morning about Sarah Palin's performances in past debates, back when she was running for governor of Alaska. She says Palin wasn't at her best when answering questions posed by the other candidates. She says "In the AARP debate, Mr. Knowles and Andrew Halcro, an independent, double-teamed her to press her about how she would pay for health care."

They double-teamed her, eh? Hmm. It sounds like they ganged up on her. Gave her a hard pounding. From both sides. I could see where you might not perform at your best when you're put in that kind of position; but, as she's quoted saying later on in that article, "You know, you got to have the balls to take it on." Well, I guess one thing you can say about her is, she's a trooper.

It's not just me, by the way, is it? I mean, that double-team comment in the NYT does tend to conjure up a good porn scenario, doesn't it? Or do I just need to go get laid, so I can stop reading sex into everything I see?

True or False: We're All Part Gay, It's Just a Question of How Much

Tonight I was watching this stand-up act on Comedy Central that I thought was really funny. Towards the end of this guy's act (Ron White), he said something about how all men are part gay, it's just a matter of to what extent they're gay; first he said that he's not gay himself, but just look at his shoes (which looked nice btw), so what does that say about him; then he said how he'd said this to a cousin of his, and the guy, the cousin, said no way, so the comedian asked his cousin, well when you're watching porn, do you watch two girls usually? and the cousin said, no usually i watch a girl and a guy going at it together; and the comedian said, so do you like to watch a girl fucking a guy with a really tiny limp dick, and the cousin said, no, i like to watch her fuck a guy with a big ........ uh ........

It was a joke, yeah, but you know stuff that's funny is usually funny because it's got that ring of truth to it that you can relate to. A few people have made fun of me, affectionately I like to think, because I do enjoy watching an occasional gay porn scene - - if I see two guys with hot hard bodies going at it with each other, well damn, yeah I can get turned on by that, I can masturbate to that for sure. Ordinarily though, I'd say my preference is to watch a guy and a girl fucking. And yeah, when I'm watching that, I don't just want the guy to look good; I want the girl to look good, too, to look sexy. That's part of what turns me on too, to tell the truth. And I've also had one really, really hot lesbian sex dream in the past, based on a girl I knew a long time ago who had a girlfriend but who I suspected was attracted to me, and I still remember that dream as one of the hottest sex dreams I've ever had.

Well anyway, what got me thinking about this tonight was that it was kind of funny when I heard this comedian say this, because I've heard that same thing before, from a friend of mine. A friend of mine, a straight guy, is good friends with, and roomed with for about six months to a year or so, with another guy who is gay; and my straight friend told me that his gay friend told him that everybody is gay to a certain extent. That friend told my friend that he thought my friend was about 30 percent gay (I think that was the number; I could be wrong, maybe it was more like 20 percent, but somewhere around there anyway). He came up with that number based on certain particular personality traits and personal tastes of my friend ... like how my friend has a really good eye for home design / interior decorating, plus I think probably too because my friend is a very warm-hearted person to a certain extent, a great listener, open-minded and good at empathizing and understanding and sharing emotions and psychology and stuff. So while his gay friend knew that my friend is heterosexual, he nevertheless said to him, pretty matter of factly I believe, that he's 20 to 30 percent or so gay.

Well I know you've probably heard of "girl crushes" before - that was all over the Today Show in their fluff segments a few years ago; and I guess the term comes from, you can definitely crush on a person even if you're not interested in being in an actual relationship, couple-like / sexual relationship, with that person - including people of the same sex who normally date people of the opposite sex. Frankly sometimes I wish that guys had more of certain qualities that girls tend to have, because I think it would be easier to be in a relationship with a guy, long-term, if guys had certain typically female personality traits. And I'd bet some guys feel the same way too, the other way around. I imagine, anyway.

Plus, if you think about it, when it comes to sex ... well, let's talk about anal here for a minute. I love anal sex. Surprisingly so; when I was in college, I remember thinking that anal sex was something I would never want to do. But it just goes to show you, don't knock it til you try it, because damn but I love it. But if you buy into the idea of heterosexual sex is all about the penis going in the vagina, then why do so many people of both sexes really dig anal? I mean, does it make a guy gay if he wants to fuck me in the ass? And if I like ass-fucking, and I'm a woman, then considering that guys have assholes too, doesn't it make sense that they would enjoy being fucked in the ass too, either by a finger or a dildo or a dick, and does that have anything to do with being heterosexual or homosexual? And if I want a guy to fuck me in the ass, does it make me ... um ... a lesbian ... no, wait, a gay man ... no, wait ... fuck, what?

I guess my thought is, that I don't think that the desire to fuck an ass, or to be fucked in the ass, makes you gay, either way; it's more than just which part of the anatomy, male or female, you're sticking your whatever in, or having whatever stuck into you. Gay/straight/man/woman, people out there like anal. So that's not making you fall into one category or another ... but yet at the same time, I can't help but wonder, isn't anal fucking of the heterosexual kind not all that different from anal fucking of the homosexual kind? What makes one different from the other, really? I mean, they're different ... but yet, they're kinda the same a bit too, aren't they?

I have no fucking clue where I'm going with all this, or what the hell the point of this post was ... although I guess in a way I was wondering if, when people say everyone's gay to a certain extent I was kind of wondering, is that talking about something to do with your personality, with taste and personality traits? Or sexual attraction, and what turns you on? To what degree are those two things linked?

I don't know. I just know that I'm up late, I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep, and so I'm drinking in the hope of it knocking me out and making me go to sleep - - but so far all I am is really awake and a little bit drunk, and watching Comedy Central, and thinking really random things, and feeling like writing a post, however stupid it is. But I guess if I had to stretch all of my probably ridiculous thoughts into some kind of point, it would be this: no matter what sex you are and what sex you're attracted to, aren't we all kind of the same in a way, when it comes to sex? I mean, you might have particular preferences of your own, but how can you really say that one person's very minor preference, like a woman who wants missionary versus female on top, is all that different from someone else's perhaps bigger seeming preference, like a woman who wants to be tied up and fucked with a hard dick while another woman sucks on her breasts while she watches two hot guys go at it with each other? ... Eh, not that I am that second person there ... I mean, just because I fantasize about that doesn't mean anything in particular, does it? .... Hmmmm .... :)