Sunday, July 27, 2008

Freudian Slip?

Work these days is terribly busy. I'm totally dividing my time between writing two appellate briefs that are due the second week of August and preparing for a trial slated for the last week of August.

The briefs are a pain in my ass, because I'm actually having to argue against what I believe to be the correct position. That is not fun. It's kind of like playing chess or something; very strategizing (can strategizing be used that way in a sentence? my god, my brain is going haywire, ballistic), trying to use moves that will win your client's position, but ones that will get you to that winning position without requiring you to make certain other moves, ones that would leave you open to having your ass taken since all the other players know you're vulnerable if you have to make those particular arguments.

That's probably a terrible example, btw. Yeah, I've been drinking a bit. (And by a bit I mean a lot.)

And the trial is an even bigger pain in my ass. Because my key witness admits that she totally screwed up. Oh boy! "Your honor, you must find in favor of my client. Even though one of our witnesses admits she fucked up, which really undermines all of my credibility arguing this case and leaves me with really no compelling evidence to back up my position, and I wish I could just drop this whole thing, but for complicated reasons I can't and instead have to appear here arguing and totally looking like an idiot for this week-long trial." Yeah, that's gonna be fun.

Oh, but didn't I say something at the start of this post about a Freudian slip? Yes, I did.

It's not all that big, but it's a little bit funny, to me anyway. You know how I've had, over the years, sex dreams about various people I work with, including attorneys from other firms who happen to be involved in cases I'm involved in? Well if you didn't know that before, now you do. I've had sex dreams about ... wait for it, while I count it up ... six male lawyers I know through work. (I think; I could totally be leaving someone out.) Well one of the most recent subjects of my erotic dreams is this lawyer who is very nice, but in kind of a vanilla way; you know, just a nice guy basically. A pretty good lawyer. And actually pretty funny too; he tends to crack me up more than other lawyers I work with, has a pretty good/distinctive sense of humor. But you know, married, father of two young kids, nice guy, nothing about him whatsoever makes you think anything but "nice guy." But for whatever reason, in my dreams this man has been all into me, and a pretty horny dog.

So last Thursday, I got a call from this lawyer. He was calling to talk to me about that case I have coming up for trial, the one scheduled for the end of August. And he mentioned that troublesome witness of mine; the one who now admits she was wrong about something. He's going to have to question her, on cross, at the trial, and considering the peculiar position my client and my witness and I are all in, he wanted to talk about ways we could potentially deal with this at trial ... even though he's on the other side. See, he knows I'm screwed; and basically, he's probing to see whether or not I might be going to change my client's position somewhat on this particular issue prior to trial, given this new position of my witness; because if I am going to change our position, then he could avoid basically eviscerating my witness on the stand. (That's not what he said, but I know that's what he meant.)

And my witness is a nice woman, a fairly sweet and fairly young woman, who just basically made a mistake, unintentionally, in this case, which unfortunately is fucking us up. So this lawyer, the one I've had the sex dreams about most recently, he said of my witness - - let's call her Annie - - he said ...

[him] "I just don't want to tear her up on cross, you know? I mean, I love Sadie."

Me: "... what?"

Him: "Uh ... I mean ... well, I love you too, Sadie, sure; I mean I love Annie; I mean, uh, I love all of you. He he."

Well I found a way to laugh it off w/o calling more attention to it and get us back on track, but then, strangely, for the rest of the conversation he kept calling my witness, Annie, by my name, Sadie. After the third time he apologized yet again and said he didn't know what his problem was; I assured him that it is pretty common to get people's names mixed up whom you know pretty well, I mean seriously my own sister will call me by her daughter's name and then her dog's name before she'll finally get my name right.

And I know that's true, that you can easily get people's names mixed up like that, especially people's names you know so well you're used to saying all the time ... mixing one familiar person's name for another familiar person's name (like my mom calling me by her sister's name instead of my name)(hmm, or maybe it's just a problem with the women in my family?) Anyway, but ... when I heard him say, that guy, that lawyer I've had the sex dreams about, by accident/slip of the tongue/mistake/whatever, nevertheless when he said, "I love Sadie," well ... it just sent a strange charge up through my body. Maybe because of all those sex dreams; maybe because I kind of wondered if there was a bit of hidden truth to his slip of the tongue; or maybe just because it's such a wonderful thing to hear another person say, one that I don't get the privilege of hearing much at all, if ever. But for whatever reason, damn, it made me smile.

Oh yeah, and I may or may not have had another really hot sex dream about him that night .... :D

Monday, July 7, 2008

Loser Among Losers

I admit, I am watching the finale of The Bachelorette tonight. I'm all sucked into the big question of who is it gonna be, Jesse or Jason? Oooh, the suspense.

I also admit that sometimes I lose patience watching tv shows that last a long time (like tonight's finale), but still feel compelled to find out how it ends. Which puts me in a hurry-up-and-be-over mood, where I can't sit still watching the whole thing, but can't walk away without knowing the ending either.

Which brings me to the internet, to the wonderful world of googling. Sitting here in the now second hour of the two hour finale (that's going to be followed up by a one hour "tell-all" episode; holy fuck, ABC is OVERLOADING us with this show), I have lost interest in watching any more, but still I want to find out what's going to happen nevertheless. So I turned to the online search engine giant, asking it to tell me if there are any web sites out there that have spoilers on them about this show; surely it can't be a total secret, somebody out there in cyberland must have leaked the ending.

And that's how I came to the discussion boards on "Fans of Reality TV." Oh. My. God. I am amazed at how seriously invested a lot of tv-watchers out there are in this show. People are freeze-framing the show and analyzing body language and background scenes and stuff, trying to figure out what the stills of the previews they've recorded can tell them about what the ending is going to be. Intense discussions, in-depth analysis. And they are all geared up about tonight's final episode.

One person said in the comments that she is so excited about tonight's finale that she left work early today, and is planning to not go in until lunchtime tomorrow, and has not been able to sleep for two weeks worried about what the outcome is going to be.

And that's when I thought, "holy fuck man, how sad is it that people out there are that into this show that they're taking off time from work and not able to sleep at night for thinking about these reality tv participants' lives?"

And then THAT'S when I thought, "holy fuck man, how sad is it that I've been reading comments on a message board for the Bachelorette on the Fans of Reality TV website for 15 minutes now, as I sit here and simultaneously watch the finale, looking for a give-away to the ending of the show?"

You know, I don't think I really needed to complete that entire sentence above ... I think I could've stopped at "how sad is it that I've been reading comments on a message board ..." ok, maybe throw in the "for the Bachelorette" too, and that would've been plenty enough to show the level of loserdome to which I've sunk tonight.

I think it's important that I turn my tv off now. And maybe my computer too.