Friday, June 13, 2008

Shit, I'm starting to feel bad

And not just about my lack of blogging.

Although yeah, I do feel bad about that. Chalk it up to the bad friend thing that happens whenever you start a new relationship; the new relationship is great, and fun, so much so that you start to kind of ignore your friends, for all the fun you're having. Or your blog, if you have no friends.

But actually, what I'm feeling bad about right now is the degree to which I am bruising my man's cock. His cock has been suffering bruises ever since we've started fucking. I was hoping that it was just a side effect of my long dry spell; I figured I must be pretty tight after all that time, despite the fun I have with my rabbit. I mean, after all, a rabbit is not a cock, you know? A cock just fills you up so, so, so much more than a rabbit can. So I was thinking that maybe I was experiencing some sort of re-virginization thing; that my pussy had been for so long without cock that it was tighter than a nun's cunt. (Was that too crude? Tighter than a duck's ass, then. Wait, which one do you think is tighter? God, what is WRONG with me, that I actually think about these things?)

So anyway, back to the story. Well before I started dating my hometown guy, I spent many many many many many long months getting my only sexual pleasure from my rabbit vibrator. Which I loved. And must have used way too much, because I finally wore it the fuck out. It just died on me a few weeks ago. And while having a sexual relationship can make the rabbit seem insignificant, having a long-distance relationship makes it nevertheless still necessary. So tonight I went to a sex toy store and bought a new rabbit. Hallelujah; I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it, on my non-hometown-boyfriend nights.

Now when I was in the sex toy store, browsing around and comparing the various options, these two girls who were working the store came over and helped me shop, telling me all the different features for all the different types of apparatuses out there for a single female's pleasure. I ended up just getting a replacement of the same Doc Johnson rabbit I'd had before; but they were so into telling me all about the features of it, how it's better than all the other ones out there, that I just listened to them talk, without telling them I've already experienced the Doc Johnson pleasure for myself and knew all about it.

What was interesting, though, was how they described the multiple functions of my rabbit. Particularly the shaft part of it. Yes, there are these pearl things in there; yes, they can rotate; yes, the head can rotate too; I knew these things from my last rabbit. And I hadn't been impressed by those features in my last rabbit, frankly; they didn't seem to do a whole lot for me. I mean I definitely liked them, but I didn't think they were as powerful as the clit stimulator part. I just liked having the combination of the two together. But these two women were all about the different motions that the shaft of the rabbit can make, and the pleasure that it can give you. And they told me how this particular rabbit has more power, as far as movement and vibration and such, than other versions that are out there.

So when I came back home from the store tonight with my new rabbit, as I was using it for the first time, I closed my eyes and specifically concentrated on, really thought about and tried to make myself aware of, all the movements just in the shaft part; focusing on the feelings of it, you know? And I realized that I wasn't really feeling it, still, the way those women had described.

That's when I remembered all that bruising I've been doing to my new man's dick; and that's when I forcibly made myself relax the muscles in my pussy, and felt more and more and more of the various movements of the pearls and the shaft and the head of my new rabbit. And that's when I realized, too, just how strong my vaginal muscles have become these past few years. Because once I realized I could feel more movement of the rabbit inside me when I really relaxed, I realized just how powerful that rabbit really is, I mean how much movement the shaft part actually has. But then when I got excited, and naturally contracted my muscles somewhat, my vaginal muscles all tensed up on it, grabbing hold of the shaft of that rabbit, holding it still, and then I could feel no movement at all. Even though it was turned up to the highest power. I pulled it out and looked at it, and saw how much the shaft really does move, when it's turned up full throttle, and I experimented again with it inside me, and felt it moving around in there again; but I had to totally relax my muscles, consciously, to feel that. My natural tendency was to clamp down on that shaft with my pussy, which made it stop moving.

So basically I'm left thinking to myself tonight: if my natural bodily reaction to something that's fucking my vagina is to squeeze it so tight that it can't even move even when it's a brand new toy powered by 4 brand new batteries, then no fucking wonder my boyfriend's dick gets bruised every time we fuck. If that rabbit can hardly even move around inside me even at full speed, then damn, but how much must I be hurting my man's thick fleshy cock? Which leaves me with a case of the guilts tonight.

Mostly though a case of the worries that I'm going to keep on bruising him so badly that he's one day going to decide it's just not worth it, pain-wise, to keep fucking me. Now THAT would be tragedy. I MUST NOT let that happen. I could never live with that kind of dry spell again, now that I'm so fully aware of what I'd been missing.