sleepless night

You ever have one of those nights where you just can't go to sleep, can't go to sleep, can't go to sleep ... and next thing you know it's almost 3 in the morning, and you're so fucking far from sleep that you realize you might as well just stay up at this point, because you've had nights like this before and you know that if you try to go to sleep at this point it probably will be close to 4 in the morning before you actually find that sleep, and then it won't be enough, because you have to get up and to to work in the morning, and you'll just be off-kilter and shit, or maybe oversleep, but you just know that it'll end up being worse than if you'd just stayed up? Plus you have a trial at 10 in another city that's an hour and a half away anyway, so it would really fucking suck if you overslept on this particular morning, especially since you still have stuff you need to do for it in the morning to get ready, nothing big, but just shit like getting all your stuff together and making a few phone calls and emails before it starts and what have you, and you want to feel like you had a decent amount of time to get dressed and shit too, so you really know it's just better at this point to stay up. But even though you are thinking a lot about work stuff, it's not the work stuff that's kept you up all night, it's the deep sense of unfulfillment in general with your life that's kept you up all night, the longing for sex, for intimacy, for the touch of a strong warm male hand caressing your body, that's really on your mind, the feeling like you're just not living a life these days, and haven't been living one for a few years now really if you think about it, and you just don't know how you can continue to take this emptiness, the emptiness that is in part the empty soft warm sweet part of your intimate body that's longing to be filled by a strong hard cock and in part the empty place in your heart that longs for human intimacy and relationship and happiness, and the emptiness isn't just a void kind of thing but a really deeply intense emotional kind of pain where you just feel it overwhelmingly, and you can't fucking rest because the feeling just won't give you any peace? I'm having one of those nights. And it sucks.