How's eharmony going, you ask?

Well, let me share some of my matches and some of their information with you, and then you tell me:

Philip is a “Business Man” who is most passionate about his “ABILITY TO HANDLE ISSUES” and is most thankful for his “religious Belief.” The first thing you’ll notice about him is his “smartness” and one thing he wishes more people would notice about him is his “Vision." He apparently is also big on capitalization. Some words need to be capitalized at the beginning to make them stand out from non-capitalized words, and of course some words really deserve to be in all caps. It has something to do with his smartness and his Vision, I guess.

Chris, whose occupation is “Technical Writer/Amateur Fitness Instructor," is most passionate about “Helping those that don't have the ability to help themselves or that have been somehow wronged and can't help themselves.” He's a true do-gooder, that Chris, helping all those people who can't help themselves ... you know, the wronged ones.

Three things that Adam can’t live without are “water, air, and food.” I'm glad he included that on his info page, because it definitely makes him stand out from, say, every other human being on the planet.

Patrick’s occupation is being “very well employed.” Aha. One thing he wishes more people would notice about him is "I am normal." I'm sure he is.

Things that Martin can’t live without are “self pity, depression, greedy, nasty attitude, and rude”. Somehow I think Martin thought he was answering a different question.

Also, one thing that only Martin's best friends know about him is that he is “nice to the wrong people." I'd say that Martin has people issues ... but that's just a guess.

Scot wants you to know that "I am actually a freak, I just put on a good act in the right situations." Oh boy, sign me up for a date.

Dan wants you to know that he is "not a fan of selfish people." Shoot, I was kinda hoping to find someone who was down with selfish people, but maybe I was just being too selfish.

Bud, the "massage therapist," can't live without the Kama Sutra, because it is "sexy stuff." He enjoys "trying out all the positions with [his] blow-up doll." Another thing he can’t live without is "great ganja." He wants to "be your sugar daddy!" More information that Bud wants you to know: "Lets get out of here and frolic naked and drunk on a yacht in the tropics." Somehow I just don’t think that Bud is serious about eharmony.

Nathan is a “Consultative Sales Consultant." I had never heard of that particular occupation before. I wonder what distinguishes a consultative sales consultant from a nonconsultative sales consultant. Something to ponder.

Eli says that the first thing you’ll notice about him is his "lack of appearance, (Function over Fashion).” I'm glad he included that little parenthetical, I was afraid at first that he might be a ghost. By the way, Ethan would also like you to know that he is “super chill.”

Chris, who enjoys playing the banjo, wants you to know that “Given a choice between flipping cartwheels at a party or club or spending a quiet evening at home” he'll take the evening at home. I don't know why those were his only two options, but good to know I guess.

Alfredo is an "actor/model" / tooth-fetishist. He is most passionate about “Love that penetrates the thickest walls and can fly over to the moon," and he is looking for a partner with the following qualities: “Good teeth...great kisser and a passionate person...knows how to dress and have fun.” Alfredo wishes that more people would notice that he is "a great lover," and that he has "good teeth" and "great shoes." Ok seriously, what's up with the teeth thing.

One thing that only Eric's best friends know about him is that he has "smoked the doobage in the past and will probably smoke it again in the future." Ok, I have to admit here that I almost closed Eric out based on his other info, but then I actually decided to keep him open for kicks when I read that answer.

Mickey says that the first thing you’ll notice about him is “good vibes.” More info he’d like you to know about him is that “ladies should be treated like ladies.” I personally think that Mickey was smoking some of Eric's doobage while he was answering his eharm questions, but who knows.

One of the things that Damian can’t live without is “A growing personal relationship with my Creator.” Too bad, because if there's one thing I can't stand it's a mamma's boy.

Yeah, this eharmony thing is going great.