WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I JUST WENT BATSHIT TODAY?

I am one of only two lawyers in the entire office today, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD there is TOO MUCH FUCKING STUFF TO DO. I have 3 things to file today - - a motion, a proposed order, and a pretrial brief; 3 different cases. I am trying to help someone else get an affidavit filed today in another case, to support yet another motion. And I have fielded EIGHT phone calls so far this morning from people with URGENT PROBLEMS SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU BUT CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME ASAP shit. ENOUGH!!! I CAN'T DO IT ALL!!! NOT BY MYFUCKINGSELF!!! Some of you are JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE OR TWO OR JUST WAIT TIL FUCKING MONDAY when my SHIT IS FILED THAT'S DUE TODAY and when there are OTHER LAWYERS IN THE OFFICE WHO SCREWED ME OVER TODAY BY ALL TAKING A FUCKING VACATION TODAY TO SIT ON THEIR ASSES AT HOME WATCHING TV OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY'RE ALL DOING OTHER THAN BEING IN HERE HELPING ME WITH ALL THIS GODDAMN WORK!!!!

So seriously, I'm trying to just keep coffee flowing into my system and stay polite and helpful to people as much as possible while trying to also finish my motion and order and pretrial brief, trying to multitask and just get as much done as I can get done in as little time as possible, and just get through the day and hope I manage to get it all done somehow. But ... what would happen, you think, if I really did just lose it ... if I just went batshit crazy right now? Who would take over? What would get done? Who could I freak out by going nuts on them? Hmmm....

7:52 pm Update: I managed to accomplish the three most important tasks of the day, filing the three things that needed to be filed. Along the way I also managed to edit back and forth and then get a client to complete/sign/notarize/deliver a necessary affidavit, then get it to a lawyer at another firm so she could file it today, and signed off on the joint motion in that case which thankfully she took the responsibility of preparing (another poor soul my age who was one of the only lawyers working in her firm this Friday between Christmas and New Year's on something else that had to be filed and served today); also managed to give a few decent answers to some questions on emergency things that came up today that were directed towards me only because other lawyers who normally would've answered those questions were on vacation, and also managed to put off a few other questions that the askers thought were ASAP kinds of questions but which I triaged based on my own day and decided in my mind that "fuck you, that's not important at all, I'm not dealing with this insipidity right now" but relayed that message in a much more professional and courteous manner to the client and told them someone would get back to them next week on that issue as soon as possible while also reassuring them it would all be okay. Somewhere in there I did briefly unfortunately let my otherwise pretty normally cool at-work demeanor slip with my paralegal though when she had a semi-anxiety attack over getting my filings together (copies and cover letters and certificates of service and shit - - she asked a few too many questions of me about how to attach exhibits to my motion, while I was trying forget about the motion and move on to finishing up the proposed order, and I did get a little bit testy in dealing with her questions, but I fully apologized at the end of the day when all was said and done and told her I was just exhausted from trying to get it all done, and she was ok by then too). And now I'm on my third glass of a really, really excellent Chardonnay that I bought for my boss for Christmas (I mean REALLY excellent Chardonnay, her favorite kind of wine), but which I haven't yet given her since she took 2 fucking weeks off for vacation and I've been pulling her slack in the meantime and I figure I can replace this gift I had left for her in her office b/c I felt like drinking it myself tonight and figured I deserve it more than she does right now and also figured I could replace it over the weekend and she'll never know. And frankly I think I'm on my way to being a little bit drunk. Does it show?

By the way, I think I might have a date for coffee later on this weekend with a guy I met on Eharmony who wants to drive up to my city and meet me in person; I'm expecting a call from him tonight to confirm, hope I'm not too silly-sounding and rambly from the wine by the time he calls, anyway if it happens I'll let you know how it goes; big deal for me, this date, been a long time since I've had one. (God, how pathetic is my life, reading this all back right now?)