Tonight I saw a production of Les Liaisons Dangereuses at a local theater. It was quite good: the cast was talented, the theater itself was fairly small and intimate, and the play was wickedly funny. Oh, and did I mention there was nudity? Ah, yes. There was.
What struck me the most about the nudity part of the play was how the two actresses who disrobed were both slender and very large breasted. Naturally so, it appeared. And pretty. And they were good actresses. Now, that just seems not fair, doesn't it? Why should some people get it all?
But, as a member of the audience, I was happy that the two women getting naked onstage were attractive with nice slender yet curvy and full in the right places kinds of bodies. And it was fun to watch the bad boy, the Vicomte de Valmont, woo them so playfully and sensuously in the bed onstage. Those scenes were funny and sexy at the same time. I think I was a bit jealous, actually. Only, I'm not sure which one of the actors I was most jealous of, to tell the truth: the voluptuous women, or the Vicomte who got to lay on top of them and seductively caress their breasts. I think I'll have another glass of wine while I dwell on that question.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Well if it helps my pool game, it should improve my art too ...
Tonight I went to my first art class - an acrylic painting workshop. I've been wanting to learn how to paint for a long time, and I am so excited now that I found this particular class. The teacher seems cool, the other people in the class are nice; it's not as intimidating as I was afraid it would be, and with only seven students in the class I will be getting lots of one-on-one attention from the instructor. Tonight I painted a still life: three pears. They don't look very realistic yet, but hey, I actually put paint on canvas, played around with mixing colors together, and came out with something that at least looks interesting, even if it's not very good.
The best part, for me, though, is that I am now totally looking forward to my Thursday nights from now on. From six to nine every Thursday evening for the next couple months, I'll be going to this cool art gallery in a hip part of town, heading upstairs to the working area, setting up all my paints and brushes, and pretending like I'm an artist at work ... and drinking while I paint. Yep, that's right; the instructor told us that we are welcome to bring whatever we want to drink to class with us, including wine, which she says some of her students do regularly in her other classes. Now I KNOW I'm going to love painting.
The best part, for me, though, is that I am now totally looking forward to my Thursday nights from now on. From six to nine every Thursday evening for the next couple months, I'll be going to this cool art gallery in a hip part of town, heading upstairs to the working area, setting up all my paints and brushes, and pretending like I'm an artist at work ... and drinking while I paint. Yep, that's right; the instructor told us that we are welcome to bring whatever we want to drink to class with us, including wine, which she says some of her students do regularly in her other classes. Now I KNOW I'm going to love painting.
Monday, January 19, 2009
It's sick tv, and I love it.
I think I've admitted this before, but I have to say it again: I freakin' love watching "The Bachelor." I feel like I should be ashamed to admit it, because I know there's something just wrong about that show: all those women going on tv to compete against each other to try to get some guy they've never met before to pop the question and marry them after just a few crazy unrealistic dates? But it's the very wrongness of it that makes me like it so much, I think.
Tonight, watching Natalie or whatever her name is going out on her "Pretty Woman" date with Jason, wearing a million dollars' worth of diamonds, taking a jet and then a helicopter to Vegas with him, having a private concert moment with Kate Voegele, bragging in her asides to the camera about how great the date is going and about the connection she feels with him, saying that her goal for the night is to get him to elope with her to one of the Vegas chapels, ... then watching her get dissed, not getting a rose, and then getting so angry about it, especially once she had to give back those awesome diamonds and get in the limo by herself, saying to the camera "What, just because he's JASON I should bow down to him? Please, I'm hot. Fuck him. ASSHOLE." I mean, come on; that's just awesome.
Poor Jason. Poor all of them. I do feel bad for them all at times, in moments when things just get incredibly awkward and emotional and unreasonable ... but the whole concept is unreasonable to begin with, and they all signed up for it nevertheless. So you can't feel too bad for any of them. No; I just sit here, drinking my wine, watching girls get into catfights back at the bachelorette house, watching all of them talk about each other behind their backs, all of them trying to make out with Jason, and Jason seeming like such a sweet guy but at the same time there on tv just making out with all these girls one right after another. Right now, he seems to be straining to keep himself from staring at Nikki's massive cleavage while he talks about what special qualities he thinks she has, then going in for the kiss (and she immediately slipped him her tongue; ok, that was kind of gross, watching that); and here I totally thought she was going to go home tonight, since she couldn't come up with anything to talk to him about earlier tonight in their one-on-one time, but now that she slipped him some tongue I'm guessing she's going to be staying, especially since he's so obviously hung up on her humongous breasts, which are pretty impressive I have to admit but in a totally intimidating way in my mind ... and now here he's talking with Erica, and she says to him "Are you checking out my boobs?" (Off camera Jason insists he was just checking out the color of her dress. Yeah, I'm sure; guys are really always wanting to check out the color of a girl's dress.)
Ok, I was typing all that as I was watching, but now I've got to stop typing and give this show my full attention for the rest of the episode; Jason keeps kissing girls and asking them to dish on what they think about the other girls in the house, whether any of them are mean or there for the wrong reason or whatever, while all the girls keep on drinking and waiting around for that rose ceremony to start, and dude, you just KNOW that's a recipe for disaster. Fabulous disaster.
P.S. This season's best "The Bachelor" buzz-phrase for a drinking game? Listening out for how many times each of these girls will tell this guy how "ready I am to be a mother." Extra challenging because it's kind of hard to keep your drink down sometimes, depending on the degree of desperation in the girl's voice and craziness in her eyes.
Tonight, watching Natalie or whatever her name is going out on her "Pretty Woman" date with Jason, wearing a million dollars' worth of diamonds, taking a jet and then a helicopter to Vegas with him, having a private concert moment with Kate Voegele, bragging in her asides to the camera about how great the date is going and about the connection she feels with him, saying that her goal for the night is to get him to elope with her to one of the Vegas chapels, ... then watching her get dissed, not getting a rose, and then getting so angry about it, especially once she had to give back those awesome diamonds and get in the limo by herself, saying to the camera "What, just because he's JASON I should bow down to him? Please, I'm hot. Fuck him. ASSHOLE." I mean, come on; that's just awesome.
Poor Jason. Poor all of them. I do feel bad for them all at times, in moments when things just get incredibly awkward and emotional and unreasonable ... but the whole concept is unreasonable to begin with, and they all signed up for it nevertheless. So you can't feel too bad for any of them. No; I just sit here, drinking my wine, watching girls get into catfights back at the bachelorette house, watching all of them talk about each other behind their backs, all of them trying to make out with Jason, and Jason seeming like such a sweet guy but at the same time there on tv just making out with all these girls one right after another. Right now, he seems to be straining to keep himself from staring at Nikki's massive cleavage while he talks about what special qualities he thinks she has, then going in for the kiss (and she immediately slipped him her tongue; ok, that was kind of gross, watching that); and here I totally thought she was going to go home tonight, since she couldn't come up with anything to talk to him about earlier tonight in their one-on-one time, but now that she slipped him some tongue I'm guessing she's going to be staying, especially since he's so obviously hung up on her humongous breasts, which are pretty impressive I have to admit but in a totally intimidating way in my mind ... and now here he's talking with Erica, and she says to him "Are you checking out my boobs?" (Off camera Jason insists he was just checking out the color of her dress. Yeah, I'm sure; guys are really always wanting to check out the color of a girl's dress.)
Ok, I was typing all that as I was watching, but now I've got to stop typing and give this show my full attention for the rest of the episode; Jason keeps kissing girls and asking them to dish on what they think about the other girls in the house, whether any of them are mean or there for the wrong reason or whatever, while all the girls keep on drinking and waiting around for that rose ceremony to start, and dude, you just KNOW that's a recipe for disaster. Fabulous disaster.
P.S. This season's best "The Bachelor" buzz-phrase for a drinking game? Listening out for how many times each of these girls will tell this guy how "ready I am to be a mother." Extra challenging because it's kind of hard to keep your drink down sometimes, depending on the degree of desperation in the girl's voice and craziness in her eyes.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Admission
Okay. Want to hear something pathetic? If so, read on. (If not, you must be new here.)
Do you recall the post I wrote the week before Christmas, about an asshole lawyer? It's this one. In that post, I ranted on and on about a lawyer who was such an asshole towards my client and towards me in this day-long deposition that didn't even end when we called it a day at 6 p.m. In all my holier-than-thou glory, I went on and on about what an inconsiderate and rude lawyer this guy is. And I complained about how I was going to have to go through yet another horrendous, long day of deposition again with him the next day; not only had we not finished with the witness (my witness) whose deposition had begun (and continued ALL DAY) that Thursday, we were also having to depose another witness (another client of mine) that next day, that Friday, after finishing up the first witness's deposition. So, see, we were scheduled to begin my witness #2's deposition at 10am on Friday; but since we hadn't finished my witness #1's deposition the day before, Thursday, the day I wrote that post, we decided to start back at 9am on Friday with witness #1, finish his deposition, then start with witness #2 at 10:30 am - knowing, of course, that we'd be lucky to finish witness #2 by the end of the day. So I was annoyed; the night I wrote that post, I was extremely annoyed, not only by the asshole lawyer's behavior, but also by the slow pace of the depositions, the fact that we weren't yet finished with #1 and didn't know if we could finish #2.
Did you notice how, in that post, if you read it, I mentioned that I slept for a few hours, then woke up at like 2 am or something, and couldn't go back to sleep? And how I said that, at the point I was writing that post, I figured I should just stay up? Do you see where I'm going with this?
As it turned out, At around 6:30 am, I laid down on my bed, lights on, for what I thought would be just a moment, to have a few minutes of rest before I got up and got dressed. And, of course, because this is the way things happen sometimes, I fell asleep.
I woke up at 9:30 that morning. Half an hour after the continued portion of the deposition was supposed to have begun. Freaked the fuck out when I realized the situation, when it all sunk in to my consciousness. Called the law firm immediately, the firm of the lawyer taking the deposition, and told him I was so sorry, I'd been up sick half the night (partial lie) and then slept through my alarm (true), said I could be there in half an hour. Well, we decided to just skip the finishing up of witness #1 (who was in that lawyer's office, waiting on me, poor guy), and instead send him on his way, reschedule him, and all meet back at 10:30 am, the time we'd instructed witness #2 to arrive for his deposition. And that's what we did.
Well, it's not really a big deal, in the larger scheme of things. I mean, we actually accomplished the deposition of #2 that Friday, finished him shortly after 5 pm that afternoon, and rescheduled the end of #1's deposition (about an hour's worth more of questions) for another time. And no one made a big deal of it at all. But, the thing is, I totally lost face. And not just with the other lawyers, but also with myself. I mean, come on; how can I keep up my own personal tirade against asshole lawyer for being such an asshole in that deposition, blaming it in part on his incompetence as a lawyer in general, when I totally flaked the next day and overslept a deposition of one of my own witnesses? What could possibly suck more? I mean, man; my own inept behavior has now totally taken all the joy out of my making fun of that asshole's ineptitude. And that's just not fun.
Do you recall the post I wrote the week before Christmas, about an asshole lawyer? It's this one. In that post, I ranted on and on about a lawyer who was such an asshole towards my client and towards me in this day-long deposition that didn't even end when we called it a day at 6 p.m. In all my holier-than-thou glory, I went on and on about what an inconsiderate and rude lawyer this guy is. And I complained about how I was going to have to go through yet another horrendous, long day of deposition again with him the next day; not only had we not finished with the witness (my witness) whose deposition had begun (and continued ALL DAY) that Thursday, we were also having to depose another witness (another client of mine) that next day, that Friday, after finishing up the first witness's deposition. So, see, we were scheduled to begin my witness #2's deposition at 10am on Friday; but since we hadn't finished my witness #1's deposition the day before, Thursday, the day I wrote that post, we decided to start back at 9am on Friday with witness #1, finish his deposition, then start with witness #2 at 10:30 am - knowing, of course, that we'd be lucky to finish witness #2 by the end of the day. So I was annoyed; the night I wrote that post, I was extremely annoyed, not only by the asshole lawyer's behavior, but also by the slow pace of the depositions, the fact that we weren't yet finished with #1 and didn't know if we could finish #2.
Did you notice how, in that post, if you read it, I mentioned that I slept for a few hours, then woke up at like 2 am or something, and couldn't go back to sleep? And how I said that, at the point I was writing that post, I figured I should just stay up? Do you see where I'm going with this?
As it turned out, At around 6:30 am, I laid down on my bed, lights on, for what I thought would be just a moment, to have a few minutes of rest before I got up and got dressed. And, of course, because this is the way things happen sometimes, I fell asleep.
I woke up at 9:30 that morning. Half an hour after the continued portion of the deposition was supposed to have begun. Freaked the fuck out when I realized the situation, when it all sunk in to my consciousness. Called the law firm immediately, the firm of the lawyer taking the deposition, and told him I was so sorry, I'd been up sick half the night (partial lie) and then slept through my alarm (true), said I could be there in half an hour. Well, we decided to just skip the finishing up of witness #1 (who was in that lawyer's office, waiting on me, poor guy), and instead send him on his way, reschedule him, and all meet back at 10:30 am, the time we'd instructed witness #2 to arrive for his deposition. And that's what we did.
Well, it's not really a big deal, in the larger scheme of things. I mean, we actually accomplished the deposition of #2 that Friday, finished him shortly after 5 pm that afternoon, and rescheduled the end of #1's deposition (about an hour's worth more of questions) for another time. And no one made a big deal of it at all. But, the thing is, I totally lost face. And not just with the other lawyers, but also with myself. I mean, come on; how can I keep up my own personal tirade against asshole lawyer for being such an asshole in that deposition, blaming it in part on his incompetence as a lawyer in general, when I totally flaked the next day and overslept a deposition of one of my own witnesses? What could possibly suck more? I mean, man; my own inept behavior has now totally taken all the joy out of my making fun of that asshole's ineptitude. And that's just not fun.
reconnecting
So, in the spirit of the holidays, (and because I was buzzed and bored and lonely one Friday night), I called an old friend of mine out of the blue about a week before Christmas and, in a message left on voice mail, asked if she'd be interested in going to lunch sometime. I had actually seen her that day, which is what prompted the thought to call her. (I almost said that's what prompted the call, but honestly I think that just prompted the thought to call her, and the wine I later drank prompted the actual call.)
This girl used to be my very best friend. She was the first friend I made when I moved to this city almost 10 years ago, and we were very good friends for about 5 years; then something happened, we had a falling out - - I think I used to know why, but now I couldn't really tell you exactly why, for sure - - and so now it's been about 5 years, almost, that we haven't been friends; haven't called or emailed or gone out or anything. I have run into her occasionally over the years, always at lawyer functions, and we've said hello and how are you; but that's about it.
Well, I was a little disappointed, but not really surprised, when she didn't return my call right away. By New Year's, I figured I'd never hear back from her. But then she did call, on an evening when I wasn't home, and left a message; said she'd be happy to have lunch sometime. She sounded nervous, strangely enough, in the message; the way she spoke, the sound of her voice, it was her nervous voice. But friendly.
Well today, over email, we finally made plans. We're going to get together Friday for lunch. I don't really know what I expect to come of this lunch. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this. I mean, I'm just not sure that it's possible to pick up a friendship again after all this time, especially given how close we once were and how much time has since gone by. I mean, can either of us feel totally comfortable, totally ourselves, around each other again? How open and honest are we likely to be with each other? Because, really, will we trust each other again? Will we care? And what's going on in her life, anyway; how might we both have changed, since 5 years ago? Will it be awkward? Okay, that one was a stupid question; I already know it's going to be awkward. But HOW awkward will it be, how long will the awkwardness last? Will she be wondering why the fuck I called her out of the blue? I don't know if I could even say, really.
And finally, am I being crazy/obsessed/overly-girlly in analyzing and worrying over this at all? I mean, dude, would guys go through stuff like this, thoughts like this, over their friendships? Somehow I doubt it. Somehow, I think you've just gotta be a girl to understand. And, frankly, a somewhat unbalanced girl at that.
This girl used to be my very best friend. She was the first friend I made when I moved to this city almost 10 years ago, and we were very good friends for about 5 years; then something happened, we had a falling out - - I think I used to know why, but now I couldn't really tell you exactly why, for sure - - and so now it's been about 5 years, almost, that we haven't been friends; haven't called or emailed or gone out or anything. I have run into her occasionally over the years, always at lawyer functions, and we've said hello and how are you; but that's about it.
Well, I was a little disappointed, but not really surprised, when she didn't return my call right away. By New Year's, I figured I'd never hear back from her. But then she did call, on an evening when I wasn't home, and left a message; said she'd be happy to have lunch sometime. She sounded nervous, strangely enough, in the message; the way she spoke, the sound of her voice, it was her nervous voice. But friendly.
Well today, over email, we finally made plans. We're going to get together Friday for lunch. I don't really know what I expect to come of this lunch. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this. I mean, I'm just not sure that it's possible to pick up a friendship again after all this time, especially given how close we once were and how much time has since gone by. I mean, can either of us feel totally comfortable, totally ourselves, around each other again? How open and honest are we likely to be with each other? Because, really, will we trust each other again? Will we care? And what's going on in her life, anyway; how might we both have changed, since 5 years ago? Will it be awkward? Okay, that one was a stupid question; I already know it's going to be awkward. But HOW awkward will it be, how long will the awkwardness last? Will she be wondering why the fuck I called her out of the blue? I don't know if I could even say, really.
And finally, am I being crazy/obsessed/overly-girlly in analyzing and worrying over this at all? I mean, dude, would guys go through stuff like this, thoughts like this, over their friendships? Somehow I doubt it. Somehow, I think you've just gotta be a girl to understand. And, frankly, a somewhat unbalanced girl at that.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Safety First
It's so reassuring to receive an email at work that reads:
"Maintenance staff will be performing work on the second floor of the building this afternoon which will require the use of a torch and welding equipment. As a precaution, the building's fire alarm system will be turned off. During this time, if you smell smoke but don't see any smoke or flames, call the Business Office. If you see smoke or flames, please call 911."
"Maintenance staff will be performing work on the second floor of the building this afternoon which will require the use of a torch and welding equipment. As a precaution, the building's fire alarm system will be turned off. During this time, if you smell smoke but don't see any smoke or flames, call the Business Office. If you see smoke or flames, please call 911."
Friday, December 19, 2008
Assholes
They're annoying enough to have to deal with in just about any respect, but they're especially annoying to have to deal with when they're lawyers and you're stuck in depositions with them for days.
I spent all day Thursday in deposition with the biggest ass of a lawyer. I've been in deposition with him before enough to know what to expect; but, Jesus, it just seems to get worse each time. This time may have been the worst of all. He was ostentatious, theatrical, condescending, sarcastic, and insulting to my witness - - I told him at one point he was being insulting and uncivil, which was completely true; I mean, that's how bad it was; it's extremely rare, in fact I think that's the first time EVER, that I've said such a thing, or rather HAD to say such a thing, to a lawyer I was going up against.
This guy deposed one of my witnesses, an employee of a client, whom I may call as a witness at trial. Not one of my most important witnesses though, by far. (And this guy knows that.) The deposition lasted 8 hours, with a 45 minute lunch break included in that time. We did not finish. We're starting back this morning - about 4 and a half hours from now, as I write this. See, this is how annoyed I got by the deposition yesterday: while I did get several good hours of sleep tonight, almost 5 hours, nevertheless when I did wake up this morning, the wheels in my brain started turning so fast with thoughts about yesterday and about what I want to happen today that I was automatically wide awake, and finally recognized that I just wasn't going to go back to sleep, and that it was best just to go ahead and get up and let all my thoughts flow and get them organized and make a plan, and just generally get prepared for the day ahead.
But there's one thing I would like to say about these kinds of assholes in general, because I've always thought this, and I feel like I've been consistently proven correct. Assholes tend to act out, out of some kind of emotion or other; usually having to do with a desire to intimidate, to try to make people cow to them ... but not out of any actual, legitimate basis of being in the right. And they can get so swept away in their sense that by merely expressing greater outrage than anyone else in the room, they will come out the winner, that they can end up underestimating other people in the room, and end up, finally, digging themselves in a really deep hole of shit, that's blatantly obvious to everyone. I mean, it's like they're the only ones who DON'T realize what an asshole they're being.
Yesterday morning, about an hour into my deposition, this asshole lawyer was "trying" to get the judge on the phone. I put that in quotes because it was really just a threat, but he put action to his words by picking up the phone and dialing numbers ... except that the call didn't go through, the speaker phone gave off an annoying electronic sound to tell you the number you'd dialed is not valid, and I don't believe that he ever actually intended to GET the judge on the phone when he went through the motions of dialing a number ... he had no legitimate complaint, in my opinion (and my co-counsel's opinion), and I can't imagine what he could have actually said to a judge yesterday directly that would have even passed as a superficial claim for any kind of relief whatsoever. And this dude is totally using up that threat too much anyway for anyone who deals with him to give it any real belief; I mean, this is probably the 5th time I've been in a deposition with him in which he threatened to get the judge on the phone, as if that even constitutes a threat (in each case I believe the judge would've been annoyed to have been interrupted with such stupid objections had the judge even deigned to get on the phone with us), and out of all of those times, only 1 time did this guy actually dial the number correctly or finish dialing or whatever such that anyone at the court actually even answered the phone. He's just being an ass, is all, and trying to intimidate the witness, by making the witness think he or she has done something really wrong enough to warrant a call to the judge, when all the lawyers in the room know that's not the case.
In this case though, the guy didn't rattle my witness with his stupid gestures. But immediately after that, he tried to intimidate me. And see, here's the thing that I don't think he knows: it's really fucking hard to intimidate me. And that's not because I'm an asshole in like, who would posture and whatever right back; it's because (a) unless we're in front of a judge where it matters and where we're asking for a ruling, I'm not going to do more than just express my objection. The rules don't require, or actually even allow as a general rule, me to give my full reasons during deposition, they just require me to object if I want to preserve an objection for argument at a future point in time, and there's no relief that I can gain by arguing the point during the deposition; as long as I object for the record, I've done my job; why waste my time getting into an argument that neither of us has the ability to win at that particular time? and (b) I think you look pretty ridiculous getting all red-faced and angry over stuff I think you're wrong about, or at least stuff where I at the very least have just as much an argument against as you have for; and (c) when it finally comes down to it, as long as I still think I'm in the right, then I don't give a fuck what you think or say. Talk yourself red in the face; you're not going to make me change my mind. And (d) in general I also don't care to even have my pulse raised in reacting to you. I admit that unfortunately sometimes I do get so irritated and offended that I can't help but feel a rush of adrenaline in my body, which quickens my pulse and sharpens my tone of voice; but for the most part, where I don't see the necessity for that, I try to let things roll off me like water off a duck's back, and you're frankly just not going to achieve whatever level of intimidation or fear or anger or whatever it was in me you were hoping to achieve. You want to try to make me look stupid by being argumentative and sarcastic and condescing and insulting? Go ahead, give it every effort; but don't imagine that I give a fuck about it, except to think about how much of an ass you're making of yourself. And, finally, (e) given all of the above, I am in the end totally comfortable actually arguing the point with you; I only argue when I feel I have an argument, and when that's the case then I feel confident in my basis and my opinions and have no problem whatsoever expressing them to you - - you're not going to catch me making an objection without a clearly articulable basis for it that I believe to be well-grounded in the law.
Of course, sometimes assholes don't respond to my approach; they don't back off, even when I refuse to engage. Yesterday, after I thought he'd exhausted himself with all his threats to call a judge and cease our deposition and seek an order compelling the witness to answer his questions [read: compelling the witness to give the answers he WANTS versus the answers the witness believes to be the right answers], the asshole lawyer turned his attention to me yet again. I objected to one of his questions; just stated my objection - we're not allowed to explain our reasons on the record during deposition, pursuant to court rules; just saying "objection" preserves your right to argue the point later, if it gets in front of a judge. And usually the trouble is that people sometimes try to sneak in the basis for their objection when they object in deposition, in order to clue in their witness as to what they think is wrong with the question, and give subtle (or sometimes not at all subtle) guidance as to how the witness should answer. (That's why we're prohibited from explaining our objections during depositions, btw, essentially.) So anyway, I said "objection." But the witness of course is required to answer anyway, which he started to do ... until the asshole lawyer turned to me and in an exasperated huffy voice said "WHY are you objecting to THAT?!" So annoying. Implying I'm out-of-my-head wrong, and somehow hurting him by stating "objection." So I explained to him my basis for the objection, which showed the flaw in his question (which has assumed a fact not in question, although not quite even; it was assuming that my witness had a certain opinion, which my witness not only had not stated but that I knew my witness did not share ... sort of a "when did you stop beating your wife" kind of question, but rather it was a "why do you consider such-and-such unimportant" kind of question). So after I gladly explained my basis, which had the benefit of allowing my witness to hear what I was thinking, I then told him that I'd be more than happy to state the basis for each of my objections going forward, as long as he would agree not to object to me providing speaking objections (which is what they're called, when you explain your reason, which is what the rules of deposition actually don't allow us to do). And the cocky asshole, not wanting to look like I'd gotten anything over on him, said "well I just wanted to know your basis for THAT objection, but sure." (Which then prompted my co-counsel, the attorney for a co-defendant, to say "can I have the same deal?", because like I said it would be awesome to be able to state my reasons for my objections on the record, like I did then when asked but usually can't do because the rules don't allow.)
Well, that was a long rant, but damn, sometimes you just need to vent about the stupid little things that other people do that you unfortunately just have to put up with, no matter how inconsequential.
And now, on this Friday that's the last Friday before Christmas, I get to go back into deposition with this asshole - first to finish up yesterday's witness, and then to start on another. I don't expect to be done before 6 pm ... and that's if we're lucky enough to finish; if we're far from finishing by 5 pm, then I'll call it a day then and make him reschedule the rest ... that'll be up to him, as to wether to finish quickly or reschedule. Our fucking rules don't put a limit on the length of time you can depose someone. Which I think is outrageous. But whatever. Merry fucking Christmas!
I spent all day Thursday in deposition with the biggest ass of a lawyer. I've been in deposition with him before enough to know what to expect; but, Jesus, it just seems to get worse each time. This time may have been the worst of all. He was ostentatious, theatrical, condescending, sarcastic, and insulting to my witness - - I told him at one point he was being insulting and uncivil, which was completely true; I mean, that's how bad it was; it's extremely rare, in fact I think that's the first time EVER, that I've said such a thing, or rather HAD to say such a thing, to a lawyer I was going up against.
This guy deposed one of my witnesses, an employee of a client, whom I may call as a witness at trial. Not one of my most important witnesses though, by far. (And this guy knows that.) The deposition lasted 8 hours, with a 45 minute lunch break included in that time. We did not finish. We're starting back this morning - about 4 and a half hours from now, as I write this. See, this is how annoyed I got by the deposition yesterday: while I did get several good hours of sleep tonight, almost 5 hours, nevertheless when I did wake up this morning, the wheels in my brain started turning so fast with thoughts about yesterday and about what I want to happen today that I was automatically wide awake, and finally recognized that I just wasn't going to go back to sleep, and that it was best just to go ahead and get up and let all my thoughts flow and get them organized and make a plan, and just generally get prepared for the day ahead.
But there's one thing I would like to say about these kinds of assholes in general, because I've always thought this, and I feel like I've been consistently proven correct. Assholes tend to act out, out of some kind of emotion or other; usually having to do with a desire to intimidate, to try to make people cow to them ... but not out of any actual, legitimate basis of being in the right. And they can get so swept away in their sense that by merely expressing greater outrage than anyone else in the room, they will come out the winner, that they can end up underestimating other people in the room, and end up, finally, digging themselves in a really deep hole of shit, that's blatantly obvious to everyone. I mean, it's like they're the only ones who DON'T realize what an asshole they're being.
Yesterday morning, about an hour into my deposition, this asshole lawyer was "trying" to get the judge on the phone. I put that in quotes because it was really just a threat, but he put action to his words by picking up the phone and dialing numbers ... except that the call didn't go through, the speaker phone gave off an annoying electronic sound to tell you the number you'd dialed is not valid, and I don't believe that he ever actually intended to GET the judge on the phone when he went through the motions of dialing a number ... he had no legitimate complaint, in my opinion (and my co-counsel's opinion), and I can't imagine what he could have actually said to a judge yesterday directly that would have even passed as a superficial claim for any kind of relief whatsoever. And this dude is totally using up that threat too much anyway for anyone who deals with him to give it any real belief; I mean, this is probably the 5th time I've been in a deposition with him in which he threatened to get the judge on the phone, as if that even constitutes a threat (in each case I believe the judge would've been annoyed to have been interrupted with such stupid objections had the judge even deigned to get on the phone with us), and out of all of those times, only 1 time did this guy actually dial the number correctly or finish dialing or whatever such that anyone at the court actually even answered the phone. He's just being an ass, is all, and trying to intimidate the witness, by making the witness think he or she has done something really wrong enough to warrant a call to the judge, when all the lawyers in the room know that's not the case.
In this case though, the guy didn't rattle my witness with his stupid gestures. But immediately after that, he tried to intimidate me. And see, here's the thing that I don't think he knows: it's really fucking hard to intimidate me. And that's not because I'm an asshole in like, who would posture and whatever right back; it's because (a) unless we're in front of a judge where it matters and where we're asking for a ruling, I'm not going to do more than just express my objection. The rules don't require, or actually even allow as a general rule, me to give my full reasons during deposition, they just require me to object if I want to preserve an objection for argument at a future point in time, and there's no relief that I can gain by arguing the point during the deposition; as long as I object for the record, I've done my job; why waste my time getting into an argument that neither of us has the ability to win at that particular time? and (b) I think you look pretty ridiculous getting all red-faced and angry over stuff I think you're wrong about, or at least stuff where I at the very least have just as much an argument against as you have for; and (c) when it finally comes down to it, as long as I still think I'm in the right, then I don't give a fuck what you think or say. Talk yourself red in the face; you're not going to make me change my mind. And (d) in general I also don't care to even have my pulse raised in reacting to you. I admit that unfortunately sometimes I do get so irritated and offended that I can't help but feel a rush of adrenaline in my body, which quickens my pulse and sharpens my tone of voice; but for the most part, where I don't see the necessity for that, I try to let things roll off me like water off a duck's back, and you're frankly just not going to achieve whatever level of intimidation or fear or anger or whatever it was in me you were hoping to achieve. You want to try to make me look stupid by being argumentative and sarcastic and condescing and insulting? Go ahead, give it every effort; but don't imagine that I give a fuck about it, except to think about how much of an ass you're making of yourself. And, finally, (e) given all of the above, I am in the end totally comfortable actually arguing the point with you; I only argue when I feel I have an argument, and when that's the case then I feel confident in my basis and my opinions and have no problem whatsoever expressing them to you - - you're not going to catch me making an objection without a clearly articulable basis for it that I believe to be well-grounded in the law.
Of course, sometimes assholes don't respond to my approach; they don't back off, even when I refuse to engage. Yesterday, after I thought he'd exhausted himself with all his threats to call a judge and cease our deposition and seek an order compelling the witness to answer his questions [read: compelling the witness to give the answers he WANTS versus the answers the witness believes to be the right answers], the asshole lawyer turned his attention to me yet again. I objected to one of his questions; just stated my objection - we're not allowed to explain our reasons on the record during deposition, pursuant to court rules; just saying "objection" preserves your right to argue the point later, if it gets in front of a judge. And usually the trouble is that people sometimes try to sneak in the basis for their objection when they object in deposition, in order to clue in their witness as to what they think is wrong with the question, and give subtle (or sometimes not at all subtle) guidance as to how the witness should answer. (That's why we're prohibited from explaining our objections during depositions, btw, essentially.) So anyway, I said "objection." But the witness of course is required to answer anyway, which he started to do ... until the asshole lawyer turned to me and in an exasperated huffy voice said "WHY are you objecting to THAT?!" So annoying. Implying I'm out-of-my-head wrong, and somehow hurting him by stating "objection." So I explained to him my basis for the objection, which showed the flaw in his question (which has assumed a fact not in question, although not quite even; it was assuming that my witness had a certain opinion, which my witness not only had not stated but that I knew my witness did not share ... sort of a "when did you stop beating your wife" kind of question, but rather it was a "why do you consider such-and-such unimportant" kind of question). So after I gladly explained my basis, which had the benefit of allowing my witness to hear what I was thinking, I then told him that I'd be more than happy to state the basis for each of my objections going forward, as long as he would agree not to object to me providing speaking objections (which is what they're called, when you explain your reason, which is what the rules of deposition actually don't allow us to do). And the cocky asshole, not wanting to look like I'd gotten anything over on him, said "well I just wanted to know your basis for THAT objection, but sure." (Which then prompted my co-counsel, the attorney for a co-defendant, to say "can I have the same deal?", because like I said it would be awesome to be able to state my reasons for my objections on the record, like I did then when asked but usually can't do because the rules don't allow.)
Well, that was a long rant, but damn, sometimes you just need to vent about the stupid little things that other people do that you unfortunately just have to put up with, no matter how inconsequential.
And now, on this Friday that's the last Friday before Christmas, I get to go back into deposition with this asshole - first to finish up yesterday's witness, and then to start on another. I don't expect to be done before 6 pm ... and that's if we're lucky enough to finish; if we're far from finishing by 5 pm, then I'll call it a day then and make him reschedule the rest ... that'll be up to him, as to wether to finish quickly or reschedule. Our fucking rules don't put a limit on the length of time you can depose someone. Which I think is outrageous. But whatever. Merry fucking Christmas!
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