So, in the spirit of the holidays, (and because I was buzzed and bored and lonely one Friday night), I called an old friend of mine out of the blue about a week before Christmas and, in a message left on voice mail, asked if she'd be interested in going to lunch sometime. I had actually seen her that day, which is what prompted the thought to call her. (I almost said that's what prompted the call, but honestly I think that just prompted the thought to call her, and the wine I later drank prompted the actual call.)
This girl used to be my very best friend. She was the first friend I made when I moved to this city almost 10 years ago, and we were very good friends for about 5 years; then something happened, we had a falling out - - I think I used to know why, but now I couldn't really tell you exactly why, for sure - - and so now it's been about 5 years, almost, that we haven't been friends; haven't called or emailed or gone out or anything. I have run into her occasionally over the years, always at lawyer functions, and we've said hello and how are you; but that's about it.
Well, I was a little disappointed, but not really surprised, when she didn't return my call right away. By New Year's, I figured I'd never hear back from her. But then she did call, on an evening when I wasn't home, and left a message; said she'd be happy to have lunch sometime. She sounded nervous, strangely enough, in the message; the way she spoke, the sound of her voice, it was her nervous voice. But friendly.
Well today, over email, we finally made plans. We're going to get together Friday for lunch. I don't really know what I expect to come of this lunch. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this. I mean, I'm just not sure that it's possible to pick up a friendship again after all this time, especially given how close we once were and how much time has since gone by. I mean, can either of us feel totally comfortable, totally ourselves, around each other again? How open and honest are we likely to be with each other? Because, really, will we trust each other again? Will we care? And what's going on in her life, anyway; how might we both have changed, since 5 years ago? Will it be awkward? Okay, that one was a stupid question; I already know it's going to be awkward. But HOW awkward will it be, how long will the awkwardness last? Will she be wondering why the fuck I called her out of the blue? I don't know if I could even say, really.
And finally, am I being crazy/obsessed/overly-girlly in analyzing and worrying over this at all? I mean, dude, would guys go through stuff like this, thoughts like this, over their friendships? Somehow I doubt it. Somehow, I think you've just gotta be a girl to understand. And, frankly, a somewhat unbalanced girl at that.
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1 comment:
In college, I had this really good friend named Laurie. She was my best friend's girlfriend. That's how I met her, but she and I became really good friends in our own right.
We were very close, but we also fought often. We would have huge blowout fights for various reasons. Our personalities were such that we just rubbed each other in the exact wrong way sometimes. But we always made up, we always apologized to each other, and we always moved past things. And through it all, I think we sort of knew that we'd each be there for the other no matter what--even if we had just had this big fight.
Our relationship was not entirely unlike that of siblings, from what I'm told. We loved each other very much, but we also disagreed vehemently and sometimes explosively about things that didn't really matter very much.
Anyway, when I came to law school, Laurie was one of the people that came on the roadtrip with me. Then a bunch of things happened in her life and she was going through sort of a rough period. Eventually, I did something that I didn't think was a big deal but that hurt her a bunch. She stopped talking to me. This was four years ago.
One day a few weeks ago, I was sitting in my office working when my cell phone rang. I answered and the person on the other end of the phone used my full name and asked if I knew who it was. I said I had no idea. It was Laurie. She said she decided she'd been angry at me long enough and it was time to start talking again.
As it turns out, she was driving across the country and it wouldn't be out of her way to stop and visit me. So she did this weekend. It was literally like we had never stopped talking. We picked right up and things were, well, good. The only difference was that we've both matured a little and, so, we didn't have any stupid fights. Oh, and I apologized for being a jerk and she apologized for grossly overreacting.
On the other hand, there are lots of people that I used to be friends with that I wouldn't even know how to approach right now. But those friends, it seems to me, weren't ever really friends. They thought I was someone I wasn't, or they didn't know exactly who I am. Not Laurie--we went through everything together and spent some of our most important years together.
So, I don't know what'll happen with you and your friend, but it's definitely possible for things not to be awkward and to pick right up where you left off.
But, either way, I hope it goes well.
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