It's sick tv, and I love it.

I think I've admitted this before, but I have to say it again: I freakin' love watching "The Bachelor." I feel like I should be ashamed to admit it, because I know there's something just wrong about that show: all those women going on tv to compete against each other to try to get some guy they've never met before to pop the question and marry them after just a few crazy unrealistic dates? But it's the very wrongness of it that makes me like it so much, I think.

Tonight, watching Natalie or whatever her name is going out on her "Pretty Woman" date with Jason, wearing a million dollars' worth of diamonds, taking a jet and then a helicopter to Vegas with him, having a private concert moment with Kate Voegele, bragging in her asides to the camera about how great the date is going and about the connection she feels with him, saying that her goal for the night is to get him to elope with her to one of the Vegas chapels, ... then watching her get dissed, not getting a rose, and then getting so angry about it, especially once she had to give back those awesome diamonds and get in the limo by herself, saying to the camera "What, just because he's JASON I should bow down to him? Please, I'm hot. Fuck him. ASSHOLE." I mean, come on; that's just awesome.

Poor Jason. Poor all of them. I do feel bad for them all at times, in moments when things just get incredibly awkward and emotional and unreasonable ... but the whole concept is unreasonable to begin with, and they all signed up for it nevertheless. So you can't feel too bad for any of them. No; I just sit here, drinking my wine, watching girls get into catfights back at the bachelorette house, watching all of them talk about each other behind their backs, all of them trying to make out with Jason, and Jason seeming like such a sweet guy but at the same time there on tv just making out with all these girls one right after another. Right now, he seems to be straining to keep himself from staring at Nikki's massive cleavage while he talks about what special qualities he thinks she has, then going in for the kiss (and she immediately slipped him her tongue; ok, that was kind of gross, watching that); and here I totally thought she was going to go home tonight, since she couldn't come up with anything to talk to him about earlier tonight in their one-on-one time, but now that she slipped him some tongue I'm guessing she's going to be staying, especially since he's so obviously hung up on her humongous breasts, which are pretty impressive I have to admit but in a totally intimidating way in my mind ... and now here he's talking with Erica, and she says to him "Are you checking out my boobs?" (Off camera Jason insists he was just checking out the color of her dress. Yeah, I'm sure; guys are really always wanting to check out the color of a girl's dress.)

Ok, I was typing all that as I was watching, but now I've got to stop typing and give this show my full attention for the rest of the episode; Jason keeps kissing girls and asking them to dish on what they think about the other girls in the house, whether any of them are mean or there for the wrong reason or whatever, while all the girls keep on drinking and waiting around for that rose ceremony to start, and dude, you just KNOW that's a recipe for disaster. Fabulous disaster.

P.S. This season's best "The Bachelor" buzz-phrase for a drinking game? Listening out for how many times each of these girls will tell this guy how "ready I am to be a mother." Extra challenging because it's kind of hard to keep your drink down sometimes, depending on the degree of desperation in the girl's voice and craziness in her eyes.