Crushing

I have a little crush on an attorney at another firm in town. I've worked with him on cases from time to time, sometimes alongside him and sometimes against him. I think he's only a few years older than I am. He's not the most attractive man I've ever met, although he is nice looking, but somehow it's his personality that has grown on me over the past few years that makes him more and more attractive to me.

Unfortunately for me, he's married. So this crush is just something for me, something that sometimes helps fuel my fantasies when I'm lying in bed alone at night. And he is oblivious to this crush, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't act any differently around him than I do around anyone else I work with in a similar capacity.

But I have realized recently that I do take pleasure in doing small favors for him. Work-related favors. It's a small community of lawyers I work with in my particular area, so we all pretty much know each other fairly well. And because of that, and because we as often work on one another's side as we do against one another, we as a group are pretty collegial towards one another. So any of the small favors he's asked of me, I would also do for any other lawyer I know. But I've recently noticed than when he's the one asking the favor, I jump to it almost immediately, rather than putting it off until later in the day or week, and I also actually get pleasure out of it. I'm happy to help him.

It's a perfectly harmless little crush. But it is interesting, to me, how a little crush like that can affect one's behavior towards another person, even in the smallest of ways.

Of course, as harmless as it is, I do sometimes wonder (and wish I could find out) what he would think if he knew that whenever I sit across from him in a deposition, I play out fantasies of the two of us together in my head; that I sometimes get aroused simply by looking at his hands as he's working, imagining how those long, strong-looking fingers would feel delving deep inside me ... I think it would make him blush. I know it would make me blush if he knew.