Would it violate the professional rules of conduct to punch opposing counsel in the face?

That's what I so wanted to do in court this morning. Punch opposing asshole lawyer in his stupid asshole face.

I had to sit there in court and listen to asshole drone on for more than an hour in his argument in response to my motion to dismiss, during which he personally attacked my integrity about 20 times or so. Called me out by name as having misrepresented facts to a tribunal, having twisted the facts to suit my own purposes, having practiced deception, all to get a favorable ruling; and then expressed thanks that the tribunal saw through my attempted deceit, thanks that the tribunal didn't buy the totally twisted misrepresentations of fact that I was trying to sell it. All that from an asshole law firm that I already, in this very same case, had to take issue with themselves for having misrepresented my own words to counsel - - in an affidavit that one of their lawyers drafted, signed, and filed, claiming I had made statements to him that I had not made, putting words in my mouth that I never uttered and that were contradictory to what it was I actually had said to him.

So having once suffered asshole lawyer's untruthfulness in attributing comments to me in affidavit form that I never made, I then had to sit through a motion hearing and listen to asshole accuse me of being the deceptive one, of purposefully misrepresenting the legal issues and claims and twisting the facts.

And while lawyering, litigating in particular, often does involve making arguments in which the lawyers take the facts that are given and try to make those facts fit the legal argument they want to make, trying to put a spin on the facts that is, to suit the purposes of your legal argument, this really went way too far; because he was accusing me of misrepresenting the actual facts, on purpose, of trying to mislead a legal tribunal. And it fucking pissed me off.

I explained all this in a very professional and calm way when it was my turn to respond in court this morning, and I got my own points across and pointed out documents that showed that I had not in fact misrepresented anything, and let the court and opposing counsel know that I did not appreciate being accused of having practiced that kind of deception. But dammit, I didn't want to be calm and professional. I wanted to kick that fuckhead in the balls call him every damn name in the book for trying to make me look like such a lying little weasel in front of the court. I wanted to kick him in the teeth for being such a whiney little baby. I wanted to rip his tongue out so I wouldn't ever have to listen to his whiney little voice ever again. I still want to do all that and more.

Instead, I went out after work with my co-counsel, who were in court today and who joined me in bashing that asshole over drinks, for all the shit he pulled in court today. We bashed and laughed and drank and toasted each other for winning our case today. And that was pretty fun, but now I'm back at home, and dammit, I'm still pissed. Really fucking pissed, at that guy.

Goddamn, I hate lawyers. And Goddamn, I hate that my job involves this kind of shit at times that puts me in such a fucking bad mood, hate that I have to put up with such assholes, fucking hate hate hate it.