I must be drunk

It's 2 am and I just posted this video on my facebook page:



Can't wait til tomorrow, when I'll undoubtedly get the "how could you put that on your facebook page, take it off!" emails from my mom and sister and who knows what other family members. Sorry folks, I was just drunk, I'll tell them.

... Sigh. I just couldn't do it to my poor mom. Took it down from Facebook, which she checks religiously. Oh well, still cracks me up ...

I hate to stereotype, but ...

I suspect this weatherman might be gay:

Sometimes it's reassuring to realize there are people out there a whole lot crazier than yourself.

Yesterday I received a letter from someone wanting me to represent him. He wasn't asking me to sue anyone for him, just wanted me to "advocate" for him. Because he has "irrefutable proof" that the United States Supreme Court is part of a vast conspiracy to enslave white people in nursing homes. And it's all the fault of "The Jews and The Blacks." Oh, and btw, "Feminism is a misnomer" because it was really propogated by "Jewish women who are all Violent and mostly Lesbians." I don't know how Feminism and Violent Jewish Lesbians fit into the nursing home enslavement conspiracy sanctioned by the Supreme Court to enslave white people, but it was quite an interesting read.

I threw the letter away. (Not before reading it out loud to a number of people and making fun of it, of course.) But it sort of made my day. I can't do anything to "advocate" for you, mister crazy, but you did surprise the hell out of me and make me laugh hard. So thank you for that, mister crazy.

Does he have 4 balls too?

This raises (ahem) so many questions in my head (ahem).

(In case you don't feel like clicking the link, it comes (ahem) down to this: Man with two penises has one surgically removed at girlfriend's request. Man says "When we first started going out she was amazed but in the end she thought it was a bit creepy.")

I wonder: Were they both functional? Were they both the same size? How close together were they? If one gets hard, does the other get hard too? Did he pee out of both? When giving him head, did she have to try to take both in her mouth at the same time, or risk having one poke her in the throat or in the eye while sucking on the other one? Did he "amaze" her by being able to fuck her in the vagina with one while simultaneously fucking her in the ass with the other?

(If the answer to that last question was yes, btw, I wouldn't be so inclined to make him get rid of one of them, despite the overall creepiness factor.)

It's brag on yourself night here at chez Sadie...

And so I'm going to paste a quote here from an email I received today from an attorney I recently worked with from another firm, another city, in an unusual (for me) case that recently resolved. And okay, I'll admit first that he was actually responding to a thank-you letter I'd written him first for his help in this matter, so this is sort of mutual admiration society here. But anyway, here's the quote, which was towards the end of the email:

"You are a smart, classy lady and [shit, fuck, forgot to edit at first, "name of firm"] is extremely fortunate to have an attorney of your caliber in its employ. I hope the people you report to realize what an asset you are to [the firm]. If I can ever be of assistance to you in your career (please try to avoid laughing hysterically here) please let me know."

And the really funny thing is, that I totally laughed out loud, a hearty [ed: ahem, hardy, what can I say, I misspell terribly when I've been drinking] chuckle, when I read "(please try to avoid laughing hysterically here)".* Doubt I would have laughed at all had he not written that part in parentheses; but it so went with his character overall, having gotten to know him a bit (and laughed and joked with him a lot) during this particular case. So that's, what, irony? No, not irony, that's not it. What is it? What's the word to describe that? That I wouldn't have laughed but for the fact that he said that, which made me laugh, which I'm sure was his purpose in telling me not to laugh. To get me to laugh, I mean.

Anyway. Funny man. Given my dreamland track record, I won't be surprised if he takes up a starring role in a future sex dream. Kinda hoping he does, actually. (Are you listening, subconscious?)

* Ok, because of my dorky nature, I (1) corrected myself from saying a "hearty chuckle" to saying a "hardy chuckle," and then (2) because I still had doubts, actually googled the phrase both ways, thinking it would verify the "hardy", but found that it's more often used as "hearty" when describing a laugh. So, umm, ... shit, this is probably a very good sign of just how drunk I am at the moment while writing this, didn't think I was drunk at all, just a little buzzed, but when I start doing shit like this it's usually a sign of more than just a little buzz ... anyway, what do you think? Is it a "hearty chuckle" or a "hardy chuckle?" Because while I may not have given a rat's ass (one of my dad's favorite expressions) one way or the other earlier today, this all of a sudden seems like a question that must be answered, and answered tonight. ... And oh, looka here, my wine glass is empty ... howaboutthat ... must go refill then. Later.

Excuse me, I've caught a bad case of diarrhea - in my mouth.

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The Breaking Point

I've had way more caffeine in the past 24 (no, wait, 21) hours than I usually do. Especially in the evening and nighttime hours. And I am way, way, way awake.

And now I'm at the breaking point. It's 3:30 am, and I've had no sleep. I'm still feeling jacked up in fact. I could probably fall asleep in about half an hour, if I laid down right now and tried ... but it might take longer than that, and at any rate, if I fell asleep at this point I would either totally oversleep my alarm or wake to the alarm but feel like shit all day long.

But yet if I stay awake for the rest of the night, I'll most definitely feel like shit at some point during the coming day anyway.

So what to do? It's gonna suck either way. But right now is the crucial moment, where a decision must be made.

Hmm. I'll tell you tomorrow. (Um,I mean, in a few hours.)